Investigating My Life in 2020

Do you think that 2020 was a super long year? Well, I do think that.

Do you feel that 2020 was the most difficult year in your life? Well, I do feel that.

Everyone agrees when I say that 2020 was the most unpredictable year ever. For me, it's like we are riding on a roller coaster with our eyes closed and we don't even know how long the ride takes. All we know is that we are just riding on it, putting on the seat belt, and yeah.. we shout like crazy while our hair is blown hard by the wind. There are moments when we are at the bottom side going up slowly which makes us not patient enough to get to the top. Then, there are also moments where we are already at the top but the fact that we must go down so fast makes our heart can't help but pumps very hard until it hurts. Somehow we want to get off the ride but we also know that we don't have any rights to stop it in the middle of the track.

As today is the first day of this year, I'd like to take some moment to look back and investigate how my life has been so far.

I was riding on a roller coaster with my eyes closed...

The roller coaster is described as the year of 2020 with its various shapes of track. I rode on it with my eyes closed along the ride which describes that I couldn't predict what was in front of me and how I shall respond to it.

Allow me to share the things that came unpredictably when I was on the ride.

• January was very pleasing for me. Not only because it was the first month of the year, but also because I would graduate from the university very soon. Well yes, I was super excited!
  

• February was the month full of love. Not only because there was Valentine day on February 14, but also because I really enjoyed my days with my friends. Although I had to work so hard with my group in the PPG (Program Profesionalitas Guru) as our last course before we really graduate. I must admit that I miss those moments with them.
  

• In March, my college friends and I were sent back to our home because of the little tiny virus that started to spread wider than expected in our city. It simply forced us to continue our last course via online. We thought that it would last for one or two months only so we could go back to the dormitory and meet again on our graduation day.

• Unfortunately, we couldn't meet at all. In the end of May, the university decided to cancel our graduation day due to the spread of the virus that has become more dangerous and real. In other words, mid of March was the last time I saw my friends. The fact that I couldn't meet them again plus we couldn't even say good bye properly is the most frustrating moment.
  

• Another unpredictable thing appeared again. The placement announcement that shall be the most awaited and surprising event for me and my friends must be changed in the form of email. So, the announcement of our workplace was delivered via email. Yup, this was undeniably unpredictable. I checked my email as soon as I woke up in the morning and yeah.. we could congratulate each other via social media only.
  

• In July, I flew to the city that I never went to, Palembang. A lot of unpredictable things also happened here along with the adjustment to start teaching students virtually instead of teaching them direcly (face-to-face).
  

• Again, I thought that the online learning would only last until September, but obviously nope. The pandemic still proceeds. Every school event must be done virtually, such as Independence Day, Pekan Nusantara, PSTC and the last one is Christmas.
  

• I put more efforts in my work that I often went home late. It is never crossed in my mind that being a teacher would be this challenging, especially when I have to teach virtually in the first year of my reciprocation.
  

• Last but not least, this year-end holiday was full of drama. I wanted to go home but the pandemic is still around which actually forced me to just stay in Palembang to avoid the things we didn't want to happen. But then, there was an offer from my leaders at school that we could go back to hometown (and vice versa) easily. So I bought the ticket with hope that everything would go smoothly.
  

• It doesn't mean like that literally. There was a pretty shocking announcement from the government that asks us to have the result of Antigen Rapid Test before we go on a flight. And... the cost of the test is actually much more expensive than I expected before. Fiuhhh :/
  

I wanted to get off the ride, but I just couldn't...

Bunch of unpredictable things came and distracted me along the ride. No wonder the feelings I had were shocked, sad, angry and stressed which finally left a speechless condition. Hmm.. I cannot even describe it in words. Besides that, I often felt bored and tired because the ride was very long, like "How much long should I survive in this ride?" Sometimes, I also thought that I was the only one whose struggles and circumstances is the most difficult one than others. My mind said "Nobody could help and understand me." 

On the other side, I couldn't stop the ride. If I wanted to, I could just jump out of the roller coaster and you can guess what would happen next. But, the machine still proceeded which made me stay on my seat and just enjoyed the ride. Well, I also wondered seeing the end of the track.

Maybe some of you feel and think the same way as me. But, let me tell you the truth as I realize it in the last day of 2020.

I was not alone. There were many people who also took the ride with me, whether they sat at the front seat or the back seat, they had the same experience with me or even worse. Those people are my family and my close friends. I realize they were always there whenever I think I cannot go on. They supported me when I was at the lowest point. They knew how to comfort me and showed their love in their own way.

I also realize that I couldn't stop the ride and get off of it because the designer or the creator of the roller coaster and its track is GOD. The track of the roller coaster describes my life. I have been through a lot of ups and downs, unpredictable things. But I am always reminded that GOD controls my life. He is also the one who knows every detail of it. So, I don't need to worry about anything because He provides everything I need. He watched me and looked after me and will always do. 

There is one song that has helped me to investigate my life and my heart as well, especially to reflect on everything I have done as my response to God in 2020. This song is taken from Psalm 139, one of my favorite passages. Hopefully it can help you too.

There will be another ride...

2020 was a very tough yet unforgettable year, but I learned a lot from it. I learned to not lose hope, but believe in GOD's plan. And yes, there will be another ride with a new roller coaster ahead. All I can do is trusting GOD because He promises to never leave and let Him guide my life.

Happy new year everyone! Here is to another long ride in 2021 :D

~NB~

*Images/Unsplash; Video/Youtube